A joke a day keeps grumpy face away ^_^

[zac]

Just want to spread some laughter around...


Brother Wanted

Cute little boy wrote to Santa Claus :" please send me a brother....."
Santa wrote back :" SEND ME YOUR MOTHER FIRST..."

 

[DewA_LavaU]

hahahahahaha naiceeeeeeee

 

[zac]

Importance of a period

Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a peri od?"!
Kid: "Yeah, once my 14yrs old sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."

 

[SYeNi69]

Wakakakakaakkaa ... u cracked me up !!!! 1st one made my day ... thx bro ...

 

[zac]

Confident vs. confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"

Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!":proud::proud:

____________________________________________________________________________________

Yesterday's News :
::A nun jogging at Jogger' Park was raped by 4 guys.

Today's News
::Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the park.:proud:

P/S: Just a joke, no offense to anyone:slug:

 

[zac]

WHY MALAYSIAN LADIES MUST KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH

One day, an Ang Moh (Westerner) from USA arrived at KLIA Airport.
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.

When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance.
When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ('SEY KOK').
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to 'see the cxxk' before entering the toilet?
So he said 'no' but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his cxxk and showed it to her.

The lady said 'No! No! Duit, Duit!' (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said 'Do it! Do it!'
So he asked, 'Now? Here?'
The lady replied 'Yes, yes!' because she doesn't quite understand English.

The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, 'SAKIT! SAKIT!' (pain in Malay), and the Ang Moh thought it was 'SUCK IT! SUCK IT!'

He said 'OK! I will suck it for you' and took both breasts and suck them.
The lady again screamed 'Oh, TUHAN!' (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. 'Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit,' the Ang Moh replied.

Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help, 'TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!'
The Ang Moh replied, 'Not too long, just 6 inches only.'

 

[spring]

ha! ha! good one..

 

[es2611]

crap. those jokes are nice!

 

[zac]

Teaching is the hardest work...

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'



'Yes,' the class said.



'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'



A little fellow shouted,

'Cause your feet ain't EMPTY.'

_______________________________________________________________________________

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE .God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

---------- Post added at 07:40 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 04:14 PM ----------

This definitely laugh till your jaw drop...

A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse" and charged them RM60.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house. Shangri-la Putrajaya charges RM250.00, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280.00, Le Meridian charges M230.00. We do it here for RM60.00 and I get that back from "Medical Claim".......!

 

[spring]

thanks for make me smile..

 

[tankspeed]

Drive You Mad

One day, Mr. Choe Seng Lee walked into a bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Batam on Business for two days and needed to borrow RM5000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for the loan.

Mr. Choe then handed over the keys to his Mercedes that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan.

An employee then drove the Mercedes into the bank's carpark and parked it there. Two days later Mr. Choe returned and repaid the RM5,000 and the interest which came to RM13.07.

The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely. But we are a bit puzzled. While you were away, we checked and found that you are a very rich contractor. Why would you need to borrow RM5,000?"

Mr. Choe replied, "Aiyah, where else can I park my car for 2 days for RM13 and with security officers to guard somemore?"

-----

Can Die
There was this case in a hospital's intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and always on Friday mornings, regardless of their medical conditions.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause.

Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Some held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil....

As the time approached, their hearts began beating anxiously, and with every beat of the clock, everyone held their breath........ .... Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, came into the room and unplugged the life support system so that she could use the vacuum cleaner.

 

[zac]

Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts
her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
/
/
/
She replied: I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!

 

[es2611]

last one was a good one bro zac. keep em coming.

 

[SDF]

good thread....cracking me up...

 

[zac]

Dating???

AMERICAN WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position.
Then you promise to marry her but will probably abandon the idea.

JAPANESE WOMEN
First date: She's shy, so you don't get to kiss her at all.
Second date: She'll take a bath in front of you and let you smell her panties.
Third date: You get to have kinky sex with her.
Then she'll bid you sayonara, as that was her last fling as she's
getting married to a Japanese man tomorrow.:wavey:

MALAY WOMAN
First date: You get to touch that big breast of hers.
Second date: You get to home base with her.
Third date: You have to promise her that you are going to get circumcised.
Then you will marry her and find out that you have to support her whole family.
The only consolation is that you get to repeat the procedure three more
times as allowed under Islamic law!

CHINESE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens too.
Third date: You have already realized that nothing's going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN
First date: You meet her parents.
Second date: The date is set for the wedding.
Third date: It's your wedding night!

HONG KONG WOMEN
First date: you lose all your cash in your wallet
Second date: you max out all your credit cards
Third date: you clean out your bank account and you still can't get to first base.
3 weeks later only you realize you are in deep shit!!

---------- Post added at 06:50 AM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 06:34 AM ----------

QuiZ:

1. If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?

a:Tit-Bits.

2. And if it bursts in a man's underwear?

a:Banana split.

3. Why is sex similar to shaving?

a: Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.

4. Why sea water tasted salty??

a: The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. Now you understand why the sea tasted salty?