Got problem with my girlfriend.. Need HELP...

[lostdesigner]

here the story... i have a girlfriend of 4 years.... and now shes breaking up with me... she said that WE have a BIG PROBLEM.. and that problem cant be resolved... so for ur info the BIG PROBLEM is.. for 4 years we have been arguing about stupid things... like why u dont call? why u ignore me...? why u talk like that..? why u talk like this.. and all those nonsense bullshit la.... and also when were are arguing.. things will easily heat up very fast... in the end we will talk like we are enemies... saying things that normally enemies will say to each other... BUT and i say BUT if we are happy.. we are the happiest couple in this world.... we can talk... we can understand each other.... and all those happy.. flowery.. i-love-u-u-love-me stuff la.... so let just say.. we have a love and hate relationship...



so i get back to the arguing issue... usually when we fight.. and always its gonna be a big one... in the end she will say things like "i dont want u anymore..." "so we are now finish.. no more me and u..." so i will say.. "dont la.. say things like that... small thing maa" and "come la.. we can talk this mess out" and i will pujuk her la after that... coz i'm scared of losing her... and also ive said to her dont ever said that kind of thing again la... coz we love each other and its not good for the relationship la.... so 4 years have passed by... and we just had a big argument 2 weeks back... and that time she said she had enough... and she gonna leave me for real... i've been trying to get back to her.. but all she can say is.. okay la.. but as a friend... FRIEND?? i said cmon la... don la like that... we can be okay... but she said.. "no... this is the end... and that’s it.. no more argument.. no more stupid fights" but still i disagree with her.... coz i dont want to lose her.. she's the love of my life... so for this two weeks... i've been thinking bout her more everyday...(not that i never do).. trying to solve this mess... and get back to her.... so i tried to call her.. have a discussion with her... be nice to her (not that i never nice to her) MORE!!... but the answer was the same.. FRIENDS... and she said that "dont give urself hope that we can be together"... coz she said it is hard to decide.... and maybe it will not gonna happen.... so i feel someone take out my heart and throw it in the 'tong sampah'... my heart ache... and now she ignoring me pulak.... she suddenly turn out to be this different person that doesnt care what i said or do to her.... and now she start seeing her new friends... enjoying herself.... being happy.. going out and clubbing with her new frens...(some member from her auto club forum not zth la... some car makers that have its own huge enthusiasts and its better to not mention the name...) like nothing had ever happen... while me here feel like the worlds is goin to end… and i'm telling u guys she is very different person now.. and sometimes i even feel that i'm talkin to someone else... and because of that now i feel that shes seeing someone else... coz it’s to easy for her to forget bout our relationship… damn easy… maybe it just my assumption la.. maybe she's not seeing anyone... but maybe she is... u will never know…



so now i'm askin u guys some advice about:-

1. what should i do to make her come back to me?

2. is it worth it.. after all that we've been through?

3. and how can i forget her and maybe can i treat her as a fren? coz it hurts me when i see her with someone else...



so to all u sifus2 who's major in love and relationship.. pls help me.. this is my last resort...

 

[yuh_woei]

hey Lost Designer,i have one idea/opinion/way/whatever for you to try out, all you have to do now is "GET BACK TO YOUR OWN LIFE" does not mean to be cruel but this will help you to get back to you your self, try not to contact/see/meet/peep/spy her for 3 month, If she really "LOVE/CARE/LIKE" you sure she will try to contact you.

You are still young man, better plan your life well ok, girl is nothing but women is something. Dont try any "STUPID" solution coz it wont help.Plan your "life/work/money".After few "day/month/years" "IF" you have got a new "LIFE/GIRL FRIEND" you will always remember what you have read now.

Cheers mate

 

[jsn]

ya that rite i been pass this time b4...if she like u, she will call u back..... be patient

 

[arrowhead]

sometimes in a relationship, u'll need a break from each other, spend some time with your close buddies and stuff like that without her. probably she's experiencing that now, so for ur questions..

1. what should i do to make her come back to me?
- just tell her how u feel, make her understand ur situation. girls are kinda hard to fully understand, trust me, i've been in a 6 year relationship.

2. is it worth it.. after all that we've been through?
- if u really love her, definitely. whatever u put through will be worth it. there's no relationship without sacrifice and trust.

3. and how can i forget her and maybe can i treat her as a fren? coz it hurts me when i see her with someone else...
- this will depend on you, if u dun see her often, then it wouldn't be such a heartache. if i were u, i would rather not meet her as it will ruin my life seeing her flirting/fooling around with other guys. just avoid her, and probably after 1 month or so, u'll be over her.


just give her time, probably she needs time.
good luck bro. cheers.

 

[speedking]

did u give her enuff freedom during ur relationshio with her? such as..let her meet her own friends...yamcha...hanging out...

u feel she is a different person now? may be this is the life she always wanted...

 

[jombiee]

Being with somebody for years doesnt mean that she/he will be your long life partner, I do have a 7 years relationship & goes nowhere & I'm married to another women,
just be a gentlemen & ask her if she's truly love you & want you to be her hubby, its the commitment. If not then if you really love her.....just let her go as long as she's happy ! & you should be happy too !!
no point off chasing & begging for her love when she dont have that feeling for you anymore, or just try to have a 'a cool down period' for a while & if she love you, she will call & if not & then youll know its time to move on....love is so mysterious & you will never understand WOMEN !!!,
my experience teach me to treat your girls/wife as a good best friend & do not take it toooo deep serious with love, love will always in our heart & i'm happy with my wife & kids.

cheers...

 

[rorytate]

Paging Dr. Glozz our ZTH love expert~! :)

 

[blue_hippo]

so now i'm askin u guys some advice about:-

1. what should i do to make her come back to me?

2. is it worth it.. after all that we've been through?

3. and how can i forget her and maybe can i treat her as a fren? coz it hurts me when i see her with someone else...



so to all u sifus2 who's major in love and relationship.. pls help me.. this is my last resort...


First.....let her cool down for a while..but if she still want to be friends let it be bro...seriously....there is no point in love with someone who u guys always fight ..etc...
I have the same situation with u bro..4 years....then we i went to college..and she went to college oso...things started to change....so we broke off...i cannot tahan already....

Second.....nope...come on u dont count love by how many year /months / days / u spent with her......maybe if she is not with u...most prob u will find a better 1..think on the positive side bro.....if she still love u she wont do stuff like that to u (dont layan u etc)...since she is having a good time with her friends...y not u yourself do the same.....go have a good time..dont think much.

Third...think for yr self.......let love go to let love come back....

just my 2 cent...

 

[acbc]

1st thing... r u happy with her in the relationship? If not, there is ur answer.

 

[Tohsan]

Think about the relationship, the overall picture do u see the ultimate married stuff come into the picture or do u see her as a good wifey material in the coming future,if the answer is no, then u should drop her.

My-ex with me for about 8 years yet she dump me, just plan wasting my time, hell she is not even worth a single cents in term of wifey material, why the hell i was with her for so long i also don't know. Now i am married but not with her, definitely someone better and happier. :)

 

[alvin24]

Sounds to me like she's been wanting to break up with u for a long time liau... just waiting for the right time and excuse. So it could be that she has no feelings for u already, explaining how she can just turn her back and walk away from a 4 year relationship. Of course I could be wrong...

What acbc says is right, it all comes down to whether u're happy with the relationship... if yes, then try to woo her again. Show her the side that she fell in love with in the first place (if u can still remember lar.. ehehhe! 4 years mar... ppl change). If no... then move on with your own life, as she is moving on with hers.

Just remember this:
Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

The world is big and full of other oppurtunities... u'll just have to open your eyes wider.

 

[goosfrabar]

u know whats funny bout your story..... the exact samething happen to me a few years back. my girl and me were together for 9 years, 1st 4 years was ok... then the fighting starts until our 9th year.....AND NOW WE R MARRIED! and we never happier. my suggestion to u is as below.



1. what should i do to make her come back to me?
All girls need a lot of attention. sometimes they want attention, but they don't get it coz they like to do this *hint hint* stuff and most guys just don't get it, so we ignore and they get pissed. Are u getting me so far? ok then, they will say stupid things and do stupid things...anything that will piss u off or hurt u just to grab your attention. All girlz r like this...not too worry that doesn't mean they don't love u.

Now, what u should do is to tell her how u really feel about her and how u feel about the relationship at present and your future plans with her, make feel very special. then, u just fuck off and act normal. As i said before, she just want your attention! when she said to u she went with other guys clubbbing all that...don't believe her...it's all a scam to make u feel how u feel now. U see, girls like to torture guys...it gives them a certain satisfactory in terms of authority. When ever she tells u about the great time she spent with her frens, just tell her "..Good for you. I'm happy for you.." and act like nothing happen.
Most importantly don't loose your cool. don't show her you're broken.

If she's goin to marry u...she doesn't want to marry a weak & looser guy to be man of the house. DO NOT LOOSE YOUR COOL! Trust me been there. done that!

2. is it worth it.. after all that we've been through?
This is a Q that only u can answer! do u want to still go on? do u love her that much to go on? do think that u can change everything. U DECIDE!

3. and how can i forget her and maybe can i treat her as a fren? coz it hurts me when i see her with someone else...
just answered your Q earlier. Just be yourself. Cool babe... be the one she fell in love with the first time.



Fren..from my experience most girls are like this when they r really seriuos with the realitionship. they like to test us to see if we are worthy. i hate this game coz it hurts but
they like it coz it the only way for them to know. The difference between a man and a woman in a relationship is it's emosions . A man is more controlled and reasonable. Women are more delicate and sensitive. If we men, could be sensitive in understanding her needs, then there will b a more peacefull world but it would be an another boring relationship.

Arguments brings us together, provided that u have to be the cool one and control the situation so that it would not go danger area. When a women turli loves u, they will never leave u. NEVER! unless she died.....

so i think u should relax, take a deep breath and start over. as i said i experience the samething and this was what i did. Now when i told her about what i've told u.....she was very impressed and said that you are indeed the father to my future children. And indeed i am.

Hope this helped u to a certain point....all the best and i say again BE COOL!

 

[CiViC TYPE R 99]

she's not mature yet... her thinking.... she knew u love her more so she try to selling at higher price....some girl they dun like guy love them too much..... they scare. Or, she got other target edi outside ..... :)

 

[glozz]

rory,

Not expert lar. Just bigmouth talking only. :D

lostdesigner,

Your story seems very general. You do not give instances why you guys fight so it's rather hard for me to say what the problem with you guys is. But it appears to me that it's a clash of egos and opinions.

However, while I can spend time analysing, I'll just zoom straight to your questions:


1. what should i do to make her come back to me?

Nothing you can do to make her come back to you. The only thing you can do now is respect her decision. Despite all you guys have gone through, now's a breaking point in the relationship. Therefore, give her some time ALONE, leave her alone and go and heal and take time to yourself to move on first.

Until your head's cleared and you're in a better emotional state of mind, anything you do now will just make her drift further away from you and extinguish any hope of you guys being together again.

For now, take time and heal. And slowly move on from this first. Once you've done that, then only you will be in the right frame of mind to address this. And so will she.

And only when the both of you have calmed and can talk with clear minds can anything ever be salvaged from this.

2. is it worth it.. after all that we've been through?

This is a question only you can answer. Do not distinguish comfortability and a sense of security with love. They are 2 different things and you have to be honest to yourself. However, for now; this question should be put aside and you should spend time recovering first. Find things to pass your time and grief first.

3. and how can i forget her and maybe can i treat her as a fren? coz it hurts me when i see her with someone else...

It's called moving on. Grief and cry/laugh if it'll help. But move on. If it happens, it'll happen again. But for now, what else can be done? Just move on, and heal yourself first.

True it hurts to see someone you loved, but once again; 'tis better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all.

Good luck man.

 

[lostdesigner]

to mr speedking for this post:-
(did u give her enuff freedom during ur relationshio with her? such as..let her meet her own friends...yamcha...hanging out...

u feel she is a different person now? may be this is the life she always wanted...)

we always have freedom in our relationship... but with some minor do's and don't... the typical stuff.. like for example never go out with a guy alone... and not telling me who... things like that la.. things that couple shouldn't do... u get my drift la... for anything else i wouldn't have any problem... she want to yamchar... hanging out... i never said no... and i'm happy with my decision... like i said.. she has a new gang of frens now... and they always going out for TT... that never bother me... i'm okay with it.. coz before this shes been complaining that she has nothing to do... so i suggest to her go and do smthg la.... and now every single activity that the so-called-club organize she will be in it... and i'm okay with it...


tro mr. acbc for this post:-
(1st thing... r u happy with her in the relationship? If not, there is ur answer.)

of course i'm happy with her.. like i said when me and her were happy.. we are on the top of the world... evrything was sweeet.... there no worry at all... but when we have an arguement.. then things will turn the other way around.... and sometimes i just accept that maybe this is only the start... few years will pass by.. and things will get better... coz me and her both are young (we are in our early 20's by the way)... so maybe we couldn't control our temper.. thats why we always have stupid arguement.... so i always say to myself when i'm getting older things will get better.... thats why i stick with her all this years... coz in me.. i stll think that all this fight will end... coz we are getting matured by the day... and soon everything would work itself out la...

and to all.. thanks for ur advice.. i will think about everything that u guys said...thanks again... appreciate it...

 

[huakenny]

come to love things...i not so pro yet...juz experienced with few gf before....

wat girls need is safety and a guy tat luv her, respect her, care of her n not hurt her...

when a girl argue....there is a issue...we as bf dun argue wit her first...listen wat her problem n ask urself izzit u make wrong o it juz a misunderstood.....tis is because when she telling u a problem n u TIU her back..then perang will begin...rite?

as for me...i seldom perang with my gf....coz we r staying together....when i shit, when i bath all d stuff she know...nth to argue....juz i less to talk wit her...tat only d problem she TIU me...

after broke up, if u realize tat both of u still luv each other n no involvement of 3rd party....then u should try to find me and ask for a chance...remeber to talk nicely...dun heat up so fast..drink more 100 plus to cold down..haha...

girls r everyway...but as good n caring girl is hard to find...if u found it then dun let it go so easily......try ur best to get back into d relationship...if still cannot u mus ask her d main n d only reason y she wanna break off....no rubbish excuses.....4 years man...not easy...

come to relationship....sex is impportant aspect to discuss....how frequent....when...n how u do it in d bed.....this is very important to let d gal to understand tat u Make Love is for loving her not to release ur tension or to satisfy ur NAFSU..rite? coz some of my frens juz treat their gf like fucking toy....after Ml then will go...no point to do like this rite?

and remeber not to lie ur gf....where u go, when, n wat u r doing mus b telling truely if she ask...coz if she found of u r lying..then will be war again....

aiks..wat else wanna say a....i oso dunno la...hehe....

 

[rayz85]

dono its the right things to say at this time but from your post and some opinions from other bros.. i got a feeling that she might have a target somewhere... as u say she's always been hanging out with a gang nowadays... maybe she has a crush on someone? jz my opinion

 

[wayhanz]

well, dude not like im someone in a position to tell you what you should do, but all i can tell you is that, i did went thru what you're going thru now..dude i know its really suck ass man, the feeling that you're having now.

All im going to tell you is that, when a woman decided to leave you, there's a small slim of chance of getting her back dude, im not saying that you cant, but its all depend on how you do it, and also who is she hanging out with.. you see, her friends can be your greatest allied or your worst foe.

And most important ofall, if you really want her back, go for it, do not let anything stop, second of all, i think you know what to do, you ask all the great ppl here, is to look for some confirmation.

and dude, all the best man

 

[lostdesigner]

thanks for the advice u guys... i'm still waiting for the chance to talk to her... but this whole weekend she seems busy... with her new fren... maybe today i wil try my last "action" to make us be together again... if things is not going to be okay... then i.. myself will personally ended it... coz the fighting actually hurts me too.. it just that i love her so much.. that i'm willing to sacrfice my pride and feeling.. just to be okay with her... if thing didnt work out that i want it to be... than to bad.. i know it will hurt me sometimes... but hey.. if that the way things should be... i'll have to accept it.... so regards fo whatever things that i'm gonna do to her... just wish me luck... n i will try to post what will happen later... so for all that took the time to read my thread and susah payah giving me advice... i would like to say thanx a lot....

 

[glozz]

While I appreciate your not giving up, you doing what you're going to do is what most people would do. And honestly, it usually fails.

Take time to heal first. She has already made her choice. What makes you think she'll change her mind so quickly?

Wars are not won quickly. However, good luck.