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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064551663" data-attributes="member: 14320">17 Ways Women Fail In Bed1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick, don't grab itlike a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a damncow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipmentto strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonderand beauty, and should be awed, worshiped and held tenderlyat all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your faceshould be), not two-thirds of the way down.2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick, don't just get onthe end of the thing and jam your head back and forward.It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected,kissed and licked from every possible angle.3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coercedto scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sortof sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and canblow his biscuits whenever he wants.4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh! If your creative mangets carried away and says things like, "Ride my hard cock, youfilthy cock-sucking slut," or "I want to rinse your mouth withmy fresh, white hot love potion." Laughter at any aspect ofthe male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you'vegot a guy who can speak whole sentences.5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble tocome on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to sharethis ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semenis not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases -- butthis is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all-important. Don'twait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present.You know you love it.7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kissand cuddle. No matter what he says, he does not want to touchyou. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If youare a one-night stand, you should leave the premises withoutthieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work isdone. Just get the fuck out.8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You knowyou love it. If you don't like it that much, still offer it, as youcan quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, usethem to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if youhave misbehaved and not swallowed everything.10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think ofsaying, "Are you going to come soon?" If you're doing a blowie,you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. Ifyou're giving a handjob, you should have gone to the gym to workyour biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than tenminutes, you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but ablissful act of union between two sexually aware and giftedhuman beings.11. FISHING F! OR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you'rethe best lover he has ever had. Most men have had so manysexual partners that it is unlikely that *you* are. Please don'task a man to lie about such an important thing.12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something! Goodsex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties movearound a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard andskillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with theequipment and know-how to do it, but at least put some effortinto the act to show your appreciation.13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginativelover who can satisfy two women at a time, don't sneer at or rejecthis exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to makeup a threesome. If he's a real man, he's probably shagging her,anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep yourman really happy.14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubichair off. It makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry pastit's sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old.If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the mannerfavored by the Playboy models that your man would ratherbe shagging.15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much troubleto ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude tospit it out without savoring the taste and gluey texture.You should play with semen like a piece of Hubba Bubba,blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A linelike "I love it when you come in my mouth," makes for a happyfinale to fun and games.16. INGRATITUDE: Never forget to thank a man for all theeffort and energy he has expended on making love to you --especially if: a) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/orb) you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex isfar more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice whenone's prowess is appreciated.17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of yourman's warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As hedrops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask: "Do youthink I should buy that dress/skirt/sofa/Mercedes/country cottage?"</blockquote>

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